Tired of the “Pity Party”

I left a private FB group recently because had slowly deteriorated into a pity party. Despite being a group for business success, I felt it had slowly shifted its focus to losing. About problems. Challenges. Reasons why they weren’t succeeding.

(… And getting digital hugs for it.)

And I get it - life is a struggle. Every endeavor has its hills and valleys (and bouts of maniacal depression). But for me the problem comes when that struggle becomes the CENTRAL FOCUS. That is, rather than tough times getting EMPATHY, they are CELEBRATED.

Rather than tough times getting EMPATHY, they are CELEBRATED.

This opened my eyes that this is going on everywhere in our culture these days. And truth be told, I’m kind of sick of it:

— The “poor me” stories on Facebook with thousands of likes.
— Motivational quotes that say “although you’re a loser in the eyes of society, you’re INCREDIBLE!”
— Memes with themes like "FML," “I’m useless,” “I cope with wine” that we all laugh at.

Today’s trend in the media and Ellen and self help is to point the camera at the victim and the “poor me story,” with the takeaway message that this person is doing awesome.

But here’s my big problem with this:

1) It strengthens the victim mentality. This collective “awwww, you’re BRAVE and awesome!” message for people in a shitty situation doesn’t really do them any favors. It provides a massive dopamine reward hit for the victim role. It solidifies that shitty place they’re in.

2) It isn’t honest about laziness and irresponsibility (and REALITY).

3) It takes away the central point: Winning. Whatever happened to WINNING? Whatever happened to celebrating SUCCESS?


We strive for better BECAUSE our life sucks. We strive to become sexier BECAUSE nobody wants to fuck us. We work our asses off BECAUSE we're useless employees.

And I believe this is a huge reason why Trump won (“Make America Great Again"). Whether you like or not, a huge percentage of population doesn’t resonate with the idea of “safe spaces” and “trigger warnings” and walking on eggshells not to offend anybody. A large quiet mass of us resonates more with the what America was founded on: Hitting grand slams. Striving for first place. WINNING.

Winning benefits everyone - and the best thing you can offer those of us who are teetering precariously on the edge of irrelevancy and success, IS examples of winners. Of those around us succeeding. Of forward movement.

Winners are downright inspiring.

The person who puts their suffering on display isn’t stronger than she who suffers in silence. A person stuck in shitty circumstances isn’t better than that person who is breaking internal barriers and moving forward.

Less pity parties and more winning.

My two cents.