Getting Offended - Is Less About Them & More About You

Photo by Jason Rosewell on Unsplash

Photo by Jason Rosewell on Unsplash

I want to kick this blog post off with a single core idea:

You getting offended has nothing to do with them, and everything to do with you.

What do I mean by this? Here are 3 big ideas to dive deep into the theme of being offended:

1) It Reveals our “Stuff”

Anything that you resent and strongly react to in another is also in you.
— Eckhart Tolle

You are bombarded with literally THOUSANDS of perspectives and messages and opinions all day. So while the vast majority completely miss your radar, why does a tiny percentage hit a nerve?

Because it reveals something.

When there is a charge around something, it’s a bright, blinking alarm that there’s something unresolved there: an idea you’re clinging to that isn’t true. A misconception. Something you’re resisting. Ego.

Clarity always comes with peace and calm. Anger is always rooted in fear.

When you get really clear about what’s true and what’s not true for you, the defensiveness in that area naturally falls away. Just like when you’re clear that the sky is blue, you wouldn’t get offended by someone insisting it’s red.

Introspect when you notice a charged area.

2) There’s a Sliver of Truth There That You Aren’t Accepting

In other cases, people get offended because there’s a sliver of truth there that they are resisting.

— A man trying to hide his baldness will be very sensitive to a “you’re going bald comment.”
— Pretend tough guys are the most sensitive to being called a wimp.
— Fake rich guys are the most offended at being called broke.

When you embrace reality you literally can’t be offended. It’s like “Yeah - it is what it is. Next question.”

3) If Someone Gets Offended - What’s it Got to Do With You?

Someone says they love me or hate me: I say “Thank you.” It’s their story. What do I have to do with it?
— Byron Katie

Say someone is vomiting or projecting their stuff on you, my question is “So what? What’s it got to do with you?” Their worldview is their business. What’s their opinion got to do with you?

Your parents’ worldview comes from all the impressions they’ve received since birth. The country they were born. Their generation. The views from that time. Their judgements are their stuff and their filter - and much less to do with you.

(And if you lived their life you’d probably think the same way - enter understanding).

Give people the freedom to fully express themselves and their thoughts and views and feelings, and simultaneously don’t attach to it.

That’s their stuff.

Nobody can say anything about you. Whatsoever people say is about themselves.
— Osho

The Take Home?

In our culture today where everyone seems to constantly get offended (and has got the whole concept backwards), let's take ownership. Let these moments expand your awareness - let them take you deeper.

Let’s take a more evolved (AKA truer) perspective to being offended.