Realer is Better and Less is More

He who rushes ahead doesn’t go far
He who tries to shine dims his own light
— Tao Te Ching

What you’ve been told your whole life about impressing others simply isn’t true.

Since day one we were told to put our “best foot forward” - to charm and impress - whether it’s a job interview, meeting new friends or a first date. And yet it’s become obvious to me (ironically) that this approach accomplishes the exact opposite effect and BACKFIRES.

  • The more you seek approval, the less you get.

  • The more you try to impress, the less impressive you are.
  • The stronger you try to appear, the weaker you look.

The true path to being liked, admired and respected is by doing LESS, not more. Because when you REACH or STRAIN you kick yourself out of your natural state of empowerment.

Life is so simple; you are most rewarded when you are most relaxed. When you sink into who you really are, and act from there… no straining is required.

Enter the wisdom of “Less is more.”

Application #1: Confidence

Imagine right now the most confident person you know.

Do they achieve that by chasing the hardest for others’ approval? By posturing constantly? No, of course not. Confident people are comfortable in their own skin. They’re relaxed and at ease. They’re confident because they care LESS about others’ reactions, not more.

With extreme relaxation comes power and freedom.

A feel good self help quote that gets it right via  @wildwomansisterhood

A feel good self help quote that gets it right via @wildwomansisterhood

Application #2: Your Most Attractive SelF

Chasing and posturing are worse than bad breath on a date. They also match you up with the wrong person.

Despite what you’ve been taught, you don’t want to put your “best foot” forward, but rather your REALEST foot forward. Don’t exaggerate yet also don’t hold back. Remain centred as your most relaxed self.

Why? Because you are most attractive when you are your true self without compromise.

This goes against everything we’ve been told, I know. We’ve been told our whole life that we can always IMPROVE just a little bit on what we are, adding an additional rosy glitter to make everything even better. And to hide our worst parts.

And yet the realer you are, the better you come off.

It’s not easy though. Being your truest self on dates and in relationships is one of the hardest things to do. Not to exaggerate or overcompensate, or mask unappealing parts of ourselves. Plus you will be tested: they’ll pull away. They’ll challenge you to compete. They’ll test your boundaries.

But don’t chase and don’t compete. Keep your power. Trust that if you let it go, it shall return. Maybe not in the form of that particular person again, but it shall return.

That “truest self” stance is the sexiest you can have.


Application #3: Getting the Right Match

The problem with putting a mask on for a job interview (or first date) is that it MIGHT WORK. That the polished, clean cut image you portray is exactly what they’re looking for, but not your real self.

You hid your dark side, cut your corners off and avoided risk. Or you went all Ms. Confidence, Mr. Badass, and put on a whole theatrical show. Great, it worked - but now you pay the price of must continue your role in these shoes… or risk slowly revealing who you REALLY are.

This all comes from a bad set of beliefs that your actual self will “scare them off” or “won’t be enough.” But actually that’s the idea - you want to repel the mismatches and attract the right match. The right match can only be drawn to you when you show your true self.

This way, you end up in a job or relationship where your true self is APPRECIATED (versus being hidden away like a dirty secret). And isn’t that all any of of us want anyways? Friends and partners who appreciate you for who you REALLY are, and not just the “cleaned up” version of yourself?

Truly, no mask is required.


CONCLUSION: The Gift of Being RELAXED in the World

Are you able to relax into your truest self in a crowded room? Can you be with co-workers as you are with your most trusted family and friends? It’s not easy for most. But if you practice it until you reach that place, the benefits are immense: You get to be your truest self in every room you’re in.

This is true freedom. True expression. A gift in and of itself.

What does this look like? Laugh only when it’s pulled out of you. Speak your mind. Have the courage to say nothing at all. Tell jokes that you ACTUALLY find funny (not just the “office-friendly” horseshit). Yes, play the game where it’s necessary, but also give yourself moments to express yourself with zero apologies.

Last week I laughed at a funeral. The other day I pulled a girl’s ponytail. So it goes.

Common sense tells us it’s risky to let the walls down. That we are REPULSIVE as our truest selves. And yet I think it’s time we stop hiding ourselves from the world. After all, a soul shining boldly on full display is downright REFRESHING.

Don’t join the masses who filter themselves all day long… give us your truth instead.


Watch my YouTube video on this topic: